Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
