Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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