I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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