I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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