i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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