Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize