Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
