Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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