oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
