I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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