do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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