I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
