just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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