My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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