Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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