I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
