remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
