this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
