Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
