1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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