so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize