Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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