Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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