Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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