Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
