Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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