I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
