if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
