I need help removing her.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
