nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
