You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
