Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
my penis made a compromise with my morals
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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