I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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