i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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