I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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