her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
