At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
