6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
