HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
