i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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