i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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