i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
