I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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