If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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