Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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