Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
