At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
