im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
