So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
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and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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