i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My vagina is very pro this idea
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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