I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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