I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
