so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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