There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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