Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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