I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
