I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
