I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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