I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
