she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I understand Curling. That high.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
