He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
