I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The ass gains better be worth it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
