I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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