Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
