you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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