Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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