Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
