Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
