The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
