My room smells like vodka and shame
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
