Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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