how can u be prego again
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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