she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
