Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
