my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
