he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
