His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
