I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
